The Superstitious Mommy Wars

Having lived in Hong Kong for four and a half years, I have made many local Chinese friends.  One important lesson I think most people learn when they travel a lot is that different cultures do things in different ways.  Sometimes, this makes me re-evaluate the way I’ve done things my whole life because another way makes more sense or fits my lifestyle better… other times, this just makes me shake my head in disbelief.  This post, meaning absolutely no offense to my Chinese friends who have the best of intentions, is going to be about the latter.

All cultures have their old wives’ tales.  When it comes to pregnancy, we certainly have ours too.  The thing is, we realize that these are silly and, at the end of the day, science trumps all.  Chinese culture, on the other hand, is so full of superstitions (many steeped in rich history) to the point where otherwise intelligent people throw all logic out the window.  I know it’s common to get unsolicited advice when you are pregnant, but some of the things I’ve been demanded told not to do (and the reasons behind them) just blow my mind.  This is all advice I’ve actually been given or things I’ve been chastised for doing.

Don’t tell people for the first three months: 
A lot of people do this in western cultures too because, devastatingly, this is the time when things are most likely to wrong.  I told people very early on.  If, God forbid, something happened to my baby in the first trimester, I would want my friends’ support more than anything!

Don’t reach about your head:
The baby will do the same and become tangled in the umbilical cord.

Don’t eat cold food:
This isn’t just pregnancy advice.  I’m forever being told that my water is too cold and my love of salads is a very unhealthy habit.  I’m not entirely sure how this is supposed to affect my pregnancy, but apparently I’m doing it all wrong.

No bananas:
The baby will slip out.  I’m not even kidding.

Don’t be too happy:
There will be a clash of joy.  For example, if I attend a wedding, I’ll be happy about the baby and the bride will be happy about the marriage.  This is just too much joy in one place.  I’ve been told I’m already carrying too much joy and I need to conserve my energy by slowing down my walking pace and eliminating the bounce in my step.

Don’t cry:
I’m going through a bit of a rough time with family circumstances in Canada.  Being away from home during something that feels scary and uncertain is difficult.  That, coupled with pregnancy hormones, has caused me to just sit and bawl my eyes out and I think this is perfectly normal.  However, I’ve been told that I’m harming the baby by being too emotional and I need to tone it down.  On top of what I’m already feeling, I don’t need that kind of guilt.

Don’t use scissors:
The baby could get a cleft lip.

Don’t redecorate/renovate:
At home, it is normal to fix up a nursery.  Here, that is to be avoided because paint can cause hideous birth marks and any construction can cause birth defects.  (Luckily, Hong Kong apartments typically don’t allow for what you are likely thinking of as a nursery anyway.)

Avoid chocolate and soy sauce:
Like the foods, your baby will be too dark.  I like to think that my pale, freckled skin will sort those genetics out. 

DO look at pictures of cute babies:
Okay, I can handle this one.  If you look at pictures of cute babies, your own baby will be cute.  Hmmm… I wonder if it matters that most of the cute baby pictures I look at are of animals. 

Confinement:
After the baby is born, there should be a month of confinement where you basically don’t leave the bed.  No coldness is allowed whatsoever.  This means no water or fresh fruits/veggies (but doesn’t an apple a day keep the doctor away… see, we’re no better), no air conditioning or even fans (my baby is due in August!) and NO SHOWERS.  Apparently, not having a confinement period can seriously affect your health in old age.  That is a chance I’m willing to take so I think I’ll take a pass on confinement.    

This was taken at 17 weeks 5 days while on vacation in Macau for my husband's birthday.  I found out after the fact how at risk I had placed both myself and the baby by taking a trip and causing a clash of joy.

I know there have been times when my local friends are deeply disgusted by me and the decisions I'm making.  I've actually had to tell people straight out that while I appreciate their concern, I am not Chinese and don't believe any of this.  The first few months were a bit of a struggle with hurt feelings on both ends, but in the end friendship has prevailed.  I know they are coming from a place of love, and I think they are happy to know that eating a banana is probably the worst thing I'm doing.  I think we can all agree that the baby will be just fine.